The Boys' Mom likes to pretend she's Julia Child, and does unspeakable things to helpless chickens!

Ed thought that he was put on this Earth for a reason. Turned out the "reason" was that his Mom and Dad got all hot and bothered, much to their lasting regret. So, what to do with the unmitigated crap so many poor trees were sacraficed for? That's when Ed discovered the internet, and civilization hasn't been the same since!

As we're sure you've noticed, the internet is clogged with unmitigated crap by people who also harbor delusions of greatness. Let's hope they all get the help they need very, very soon. Meanwhile, as Uncle Hans would say "Sie konnten viel falscheres tun!" (You could do a lot worse) Knock yourselves out:

From Ed's infamous stint at the...


"And the Band Drones On"
"Doggy Style"
"The Bum's Rush"
"The (G)loved One"
"Don't Leave It to Beavis"
"Bobby DeNiro: Bus Driver"
"Reality Bites Winona Ryder"
"Sgt. Murtaugh, We Hardly Knew Ye"

More ravings for sh*ts and giggles, you lucky kids...

Losing Elián
"Would Jesus Own a Learjet?"
"Newman's Own"
"Dear President Obama"
"Go Ahead... Make My Gay" (Part 1)
"Go Ahead... Make My Gay" (Part 2)
"Madiba Does His Little Dance in Hell"
"Michael Sam, I Am... Not!"
"America's Dad"
"Barack and Billy"
"Je Ne Suis Pas Charile"
"Jenn[d]er Confusion"
"A Slice of 'Hate'"
"Cry-Brady!"
"Érin Go Brown!"
"Teflon Don"
"Year of The Scumbag"
"Jail the Fat, Ugly Bitch!"
"Serena Slammed!"
"The Great White Dope"
"Squeezed O.J."
"The Kardashian Kurse"
"A Rake's Progress"
"Nowhere Is Safe"
"The Evil Empire"
"The Oscar Race"
"SCam Newton"
"The Classic Definition of Insanity"
"Mamba Out!"
"Dumbass Deal and Looney Loretta"
"Tin Pan Alley Miranda and His Tin Ear"
"The Not-So Greatest"
"The Uaual Suspects"
"Khan-Job!"
"Brangelina!"
"Pantsuit Nation"
"Madame Mao and Pajama Boy"
"Of Hamilton and HillBots"
"Papa Fidel Goes to Hell"
"The Wages of Sin"
"Sacred Cows"
"Krazy Kathy!"
"Oss-Kicking!"
"Harvey Wallbanger!"
"Empty Barrel"

The Boys' pathetic attempt at serious film scholarship:

"The Perils of Politicial Correctness:
An Analysis of Dances With Wolves"

This never-published ditty for EMedia about what Ed's Alma Mater and its Arch Enemy were doing with those really shiny frisbees!

Our piece for 1st Hold (magazine for make-up artists) in all its 3,000-word glory!

Our spec for Pinky and the Brain "Brain Freeze"


A long-forgotten favorite of Ed's, his spec for Flying Blind "True Love"



The Myth! The Legend!
"Land of the People With the Perfect Reputation!"
"Divine Right"
"The Winter Games of Our Discontent"
"Fortunate Son"
"Growing Up Gahan"
"The Mentonian Marauders"

Our latest assault on All Which is Holy...
"The Son of the Highest 2.0"

YEARS in the making (no, we're not kidding)... our masterpiece (yes, we're that deluded)...

Joe and Marilyn

Now, you would think an Editor with an ounce of self-respect would wipe out his entire family before he would even think of printing our déchet. Au Contraire, Mon Frčre! Hence, our piece for the...

"A Reverence For Life"

We have wasted countless hours on the Internet Movie Database. We were even named a Top Contributor. So imagine our surprise when our take on this was deleted because it got some twit's panties in a bunch.

When our take on this was ignored, it finally occured to us that "a", we have a website on which, "b" our déchet can't be deleted (but will be ignored, nonetheless). So we shall now post our screeds where they belong. Consider yourselves warned...

Déchet A-M
Déchet N-Z
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