|
The Boys' Mom likes to pretend she's
Julia Child,
and do unspeakable things to helpless chickens!
Ed thought that he was put on this Earth for a reason. Turned out the "reason" was that his Mom and Dad got all hot and bothered, much to their lasting regret. So, what to do with the
unmitigated crap so many poor trees were sacraficed for?
That's when Ed discovered the internet, and civilization hasn't
been the same since!
As we're sure you've noticed, the internet is clogged with unmitigated crap by people who also harbor delusions of greatness.
Let's hope they all get the help they need very, very soon. Meanwhile, as Uncle Hans would say "Sie
konnten viel falscheres tun!" (You could do a lot worse) Knock yourselves out:
From Ed's infamous stint at the...
"And the Band Drones On"
"Doggy Style"
"The Bum's Rush"
"The (G)loved One"
"Don't Leave It to Beavis"
"Bobby DeNiro: Bus Driver"
"Sgt. Murtaugh! Sgt. Murtaugh!"
More ravings for shits and giggles, you lucky kids...
"Losing Elian"
"Would Jesus Own a Learjet?"
"Newman's Own"
"Dear President Obama"
"Go Ahead... Make My Gay"
"Madiba Does His Little Dance in Hell"
 "Michael Sam, I Am... Not!"
"America's Dad"
"Barack and Billy"
"Je Ne Suis Pas Charile"
"Jenn[d]er Confusion"
"A Slice of 'Hate'"
"Cry-Brady!"
"Eire Go Brown!"
"Teflon Don"
"Year of The Scumbag"
"Jail the Fat, Ugly Bitch!"
"Serena Slammed!"
"The Great White Dope"
"Squeezed O.J."
"The Kardashian Kurse"
"A Rake's Progress"
"Nowhere Is Safe"
"The Evil Empire"
"The Oscar Race"
"SCam Newton"
"The Classic Definition of Insanity"
"Mamba Out!"
"Dumbass Deal and Looney Loretta"
"Tin Pan Alley Miranda's Tin Ear"
"The Not-So Greatest"
"The Uaual Suspects"
"Khan-Job!"
"Brangelina!"
"Pantsuit Nation"
"Madame Mao and Pajama Boy"
"Hamilton and HillBots"
"Papa Fidel Goes to Hell"
"The Wages of Sin"
"Sacred Cows"
"Krazy Kathy!"
"Oss-Kicking!"
"HarveyWood!"
"Empty Barrel"
"Judging The Judge"
"Wallis and Gromit"
"The Pareto Principle"
"Juss Do It!"
"Little Johnny's Shit Show!"
"Fredo Cuomo, We Hardly Knew Ye!"
 "Bert/Ernie/Graham"
When The Boys aren't busy picking lint out of their belly buttons, they fancy themselves serious film scholars:
"The Perils of Politicial Correctness:An Analysis of Dances With Wolves"
They also get their jollies volunteering to re-vamp the menus of local eateries. This was done for Matano's Little Italy in Yucaipa,
which the new owner ignored.
This was done for The Glaze Cafe, which went out of business and was replaced by a tacky Mexican joint.
This never-published
ditty for EMedia about what
Ed's Alma Mater and its
Arch Enemy were doing with those really shiny frisbees!
Our piece for
1st Hold (magazine for make-up artists) in all its 3,000-word glory!
Our spec for Pinky and the Brain was rejected by one of its hacks because industry honchos can't handle our genius!
Another masterpiece we were told to shove our collecive butt: Our spec for Flying Blind.
The Myth! The Legend!
"A Darn Good Arrangement" (Pilot)
"Support Your Local Sovereign"
"The Winter Games of Our Discontent"
"Fortunate Son"
"Growing Up Gahan"
"The Vanek Victors"
"When I Ruled the World" (finale)
Our latest assault on All Which is Holy...
"The Son of the Highest 2.0"
Because no one asked for it, our Superman Pilot
YEARS in the making (no, we're not kidding)... our masterpiece (yes, we're that deluded)...
Joe and Marilyn
Now, you would think an Editor with an ounce of self-respect would wipe out his entire family before he would even think of printing our merde. Au Contraire, Mon Frere!
Hence, our piece for the...
"A Reverence For Life"
We have wasted countless hours on the Internet Movie Database. We were even
named a Top Contributor. So imagine our surprise when our take on this was deleted
because it got some twit's panties in a bunch.
When our take on this was ignored, it finally occured to us that "a", we have a website on which, "b" our merde can't
be deleted (but will be ignored, nonetheless). So we shall now post our screeds where they belong. Consider yourselves warned...
Merde
|
Bombs 